9G be pimpin'

If you enter a room and your hand seems to be reaching for the light switch when the sun's still blaring it's laser rays, does that mean you're suffering from that night-awake-morning-sleep syndrome thing?

Oh god I need some sleep I can't even remember my disease.

It's nos-something, I swear. Nosferatu?

...

Okay I googled "owls are animals" and I found the word, it's nocturnal. Somehow my brain's not being too kind to me now. I think it's cause of www.9gag.com  

Honestly with 9g, no one, and I mean NO ONE, should be able to sleep. I swallowed down 2 bowls of caffeine infused tea just to keep on reading until page 60+ dude. IN ONE SINGLE NIGHT. 

SOMEONE OWES ME A MEDAL FOR THIS SHIT. (I was originally clean from caffeine for a month or so.)

And wtf. The floor just got mopped and the detergent smells like vodka. Absolut ruby red btw, if you're wondering.

Okay, enough mind wandering. It's PIMPIN' TIME.

Hmm... I sense a pattern?

And all of this beautiful content is from 9g. So go there now please. Your life is not wasted awesomely without it.

Complaining

Complaining is a (wonderful, amazing, almost as good as winning the lottery) hobby that everyone has done. Do not deny that you hate complaining. You love to complain, you just hate listening to it.

When complaining to someone we feel like someone actually gives a shit about our problems when actually 80% of the time they're thinking "Hmm I wonder what happens if I burn my toes off? It must be more interesting than this pile of shit."

This is why therapists get a good pay, they have the shittiest jobs ever. (Okay, maybe not since clowns have the job of being retarded for amusement.)

Circle of complaining goes like this:

Well fuck all, in the end everyone's just gonna get a big fat headache.

And so this is why I have devised a plan to lessen complaints. Not permanently destroy all complaints from the earth (2012 apocalypse would be true if that happened.), but just lessen it so everyone won't get crazy.

1. Complain.
It may seem ridiculous to cure complaints by complaining (kinda like curing a hangover by drinking more alcohol...) but it should work!
You can't keep bullshit inside you forever or you'll explode one day like a bullshit volcano. So yes, complain away. Just let it out once though. ONCE.  

2. Find a solution.
Girlfriend left you? Find a prostitute.
Boyfriend cheated? Cut his balls off.
Too much homework? Feed it to your dog.
No problem in this world does not have a solution, the only complication is that some people are unwilling to solve it and would rather just wallow in their sadness.

3. Get over it.
So you got AIDS from the prostitute, jailed for assaulting the cheater, and you failed your finals. Well nothing can be done, time to move on.


Note: Just a humourous way to talk to my self-conscience, do some photoshop, and dabble in "philosophy" or whatever the hell it is.

OH LOOKIT A PUP. 8D

AWW.


Sorry for the sudden dog outburst. It's 7:42 am in the morning and I just had oatmeal with cinnamon.

1 Good Thing About Twilight.

The single good thing to come out from the Twilight saga. How come I never noticed this before?! Oh god maybe I've been ignoring it too much.

Well anyways, click HERE for all the LOL-tastic goodness. This guy is a genius with words and a website.


A quote from the post to talk you into believing me...

"The baby in Bella's belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella's ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it's making me laugh and laugh and laugh."

Well random Devin dude, YOU making me laugh and laugh and laugh. Oh god my stomach almost broke in half laughing. This guy, hilarious. This quote ain't doing him justice. He works better in paragraphs and posts.

Cracked. Loved.

Pls click HERE and read. I know you want to. Oh not. Ah whatever you're missing out on Cracked.

I love Cracked.
Love love love love teletubbies, barney and sesame street kind of love.  The kind of love that is embarassing to tell the world but you don't care cause nothing beats that awesome feeling in your heart that you know you love <3.
The amount I love of Cracked is around 50% I love of water/sleep/yaoi. It is A LOT.

Y'know why?
I didn't really know why.

Cause after all, it's just another one of those humour sites. There's still FMyLife, Lamebook, CollegeHumour, and more.

There's one small difference in it that makes it's very, very special though. And to quote Cracked themselves:

It turns out that actual smart, funny writing is such a rare thing on the Internet that people show up in droves when they get wind of it.

Holy fuckety fuck, I never realised it before. So this is why I prefer KennySia over Xiaxue! Xiaxue's definitely more interesting than kennysia but kennysia just wins the LULZ man.

And another thing, Cracked writers and commenters don't make me feel stupid.
You ever read the comments sections on CollegeHumour?
Well, they hurt. They really do hurt. They hurt my bloody brain for hell's sake.

All the random shitheads with their "OMG FIRST!!111!", the douchebags that have their shitty "holier than thou" attitude, and the retards who make no sense. They make CollegeHumour go from awesome to painful.

And I rate the level of awesomeness of the comments sections on various humour sites...

1. Cracked.

They give extra info on the articles, they make things funnier, they verify things if something's weird about the article, and sometimes they're just... literate. (I love people who spell correct and without all the cH@tSp3Ak.)

2. Lamebook.

There's still annoying OMGF1RST!!!11! comments but that's kinda rare. Some of the random comments that aren't supposed to make sense sometimes actually do make some sense.

3. Geekologie.

60% don't make shit sense but I love all those PEW PEW PEWs that manage to get me laughing even though it's so random. Ah geek are such entertainment sometimes. :D

4. FMyLife.

A lot of douchebags prowl on FML. The fuckers that put YouDeserveIt without thinking. Some people are about to die from terminal diseases and they just hit the YDI button. They're the minority but still they range in thousands.

5. CollegeHumour.

The nerds/douchebags at Collegehumour are so lame. Their comments section is always not worth reading.

I'm a comments section junkie. I love comments on stuff and yet I can't digest all this crap.

6. PerezHilton. (Not exactly humour site but there's still LULZ.)

1 word: horror. The ads, assholes, FIRST!!!'s, chatspeakers, people that make no sense, etc, THEY'RE ALL THERE. ALL.


Ohmygawd a part of me inside just died. D8 So horrifying just remembering.

And the sloth award goes to....

Daily Schedule of Mine (for the long term holidays anyways)



6:00pm  -  Attempts to wake up.
                  Fails.
                  Sleep again.
7:00pm   -  Hits head on cellphone, wakes up.
                  Take a piss.
7:15pm   -  Eat dinner.
                  Talk BS with family.
                  Watch random tv that I don't really give 2 shits about.
8:00pm  -   FacebbookPlurkStumbleuponCafeworldRestaurantcityFishvilleYaoiMsnFml
10:00pm -  Take a piss.
                  Drink water.
                  (maybe) go shit.
1:00am   -  Dig cupboards/fridge like a rat for snacks.
                   Get freaked out by dog-banging-door/snake/weird-creepy-sound/mom
3:00am  -   Run up and down the stairs due to boredom
                   (and/or) open fridge repeatedly just to stare at light.
5:00am  -   Find some alcohol. Preferably vodka or a pussy drink like irish cream.
                   Don't matter. Drink.
8:00am   -   Ignore bugging by dad to sleep.
                   Eat a cookie(s).
10:00am -  Ignore screaming by mom to sleep.
11:00am -  Mom's screaming too annoying to ignore.
                    Sleep.




I love/hate the holidays really. It's so chillax but I feel slower than a sleepy sloth that's high on weed.
And when I do actually need to go out, I get so disorganized I actually have to plan 4 hours in advance.

Toilight Paper

Toilight paper.

EPIC.WIN

From here (link).

Guilty Pleasures: Part 1

(Note:I was kinda talking in a different way in this post, was a wee bit drunk. I apologize for any headaches caused.)

Okay my posts are getting boring lately so imma post stuff that are kinda interesting (to me anyways) that I'm checking out now and I'm gonna pimp them. Cause y'know, I only pimp what's hot, and what I check out is alwayyss hottt.

And my list does not contain the usually cheesy teeny booper stuff.
*cough TwilightRobertPattisonJoBrosHannahMontanaStupidShit cough*


Movies. The ones that are already here are in BLUE, the ones not yet here are in RED. Cause you know, blue is cold and old. (Rhyming unintentionally is my hidden talent. And yes, I KID YOU NOT.) Red is warm and coming soon.


1. Marie Antoinette (3/10)



A film about Marie Antoinette, once a queen of England and a woman who was the "most misunderstood and abused" female that ever existed. >_> Pfft. So far I've only seen half the movie on youtube, and yes it is available on youtube, and all I've seen is her living a lavish lifestyle by attending parties, eating decadent french pastries (AND THEY LIKE GETTING FAT. THE ASSES.) and buying millions of bloody shoes.
Millions.
Just imagine Victoria Beckham as a queen and exclude the eating part.



(Macarons, the Oreos of France. Don't be fooled by it's appearance, it's actually really awesome. And you know the french people and their picky-ness. I need to try them out man. Ritz, here I come.)


So far throughout half the movie the only sad thing she has to go through is not getting sex and not getting pregnant. You know, the royal family heir bullshit conspiracies and crap. Well maybe it's too early for me to judge but, I dunno, I think the movie's just okay-okay. The music from the movie is absolute CRAP though. Wtf plays techno at lavish balls?


2. Dorian Gray





Remember Prince Caspian from Narnia? Yeah, that blonde idiot. Well the actor's name is Ben Barnes, and I think you should try to remember it. Even though he once played a crap character in some stupid kid film, he should be given a second chance just cause he looks so bloody handsome in old english-ey clothes.
(And yes I know it's practically impossible not to swoon at guys in old english-ey clothes, *points at Heath from Casanova* but once you see the fat asses from Marie Antoinette, it's not that hard really.)

Well about Dorian Gray. Dorian Gray the film is based on the book The Picture of Dorian Gray. The main theme of the book is about Hedonism, a philosophy which is based on the obsession with the pursuit of pleasure, finding contentment and happiness in all acts that bring about pleasure without caring about the feelings of others nor caring if they are immoral or not. So point blankly, it's aim is GET DRUNK HAVE FUN WOOHOO.
(There are other philosophies on Hedonism, but I'm not gonna bother explain all of that cause it's pretty much sleep-inducing and boring.)

Now, synopsis of the movie. Dorian Gray is a simple normal person until he's swept into some sort of a higher social circle by this Lord Henry person, and like most people would, he got intoxicated by it all and wanted it to last forever. And based on my own interpretation of the trailer which is already as blurry as fuck, the old dude is the devil and wants Dorian's soul. And in return for Dorian's soul, Dorian will get to live forever to attend as many parties as he wants, intoxicate himself into oblivion and last but not least, fuck as many women as he wants.
(Everything in yellow is based on my own views and in no way it is possibly true unless the script writers are as psycho as me. If you wanna know what happens, watch it when it comes out. )


3. Inglourious Basterds





In this movie, Brad Pitt is violent-looking and wearing a military uniform while screaming: "Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps... and I want my scalps!"

Okay, where can I get my tickets? WHERE. D<

Beside Brad Pitt, the main reason I wanna watch this is cause Quentin Tarantino a.k.a sick-ass-fuck-bastard-of-a-crazy-director is the director of the movie. Quentin Tarantino is known for having directed (and produced too, I think) Kill Bill, Planet Terror, Pulp Fiction and all those sick as fuck movies you pussies can't watch.

...about utube

Go watch Shane Dawson! (link) NOWWW.







I love the fact that's he's so open to cussing. I loooveee people who cuss sometimes (when exaggerating and needed only and not 24/7 like some idiot ah beng) cause people that cuss are usually more open minded and shiz.


Well anyways, he's hilarious. And I think he's better than Nigahiga, recently anyways. Nigahiga's running outta ideas and most other people on youtube are either still boring or I just don't get them.

...like WhatTheBuck. (link) What the fuck is WhatTheBuck saying sometimes? He goes so fast like C.S. Wong that I just stare and don't even have time to register what he's going at.

...and Smosh. (link) WTH MAN I EITHER DON'T GET YOUR JOKES OR THEY JUST AREN'T FUNNY. D<

...NigaHiga's (link) video quality is starting to fuck up. What the heck happened to his old camera?!

and most of all... FRED. (link) JUST STFU PLS. Your voice makes me want to kill a cat.

After all this time, Severus?

Likk tis' is.. *sniff sniff* ... so saaadd... *blows snot into tissue* ='(

"Dumbledore: After all this time, Severus?
Snape: Always.
(discussing Snape's continued love for Lily Potter)"
— J.K. Rowling

Ok I wasn't really crying... I don't cry much since the organ my blood flows to isn't a heart, it's a black coffin of ash and dust. But this black coffin feels sad sometimes and I think it totally died when I read that quote thing.

I was bored so I was checking out GSC and then checked out Snape's wiki page and and... ='( So saddening. Snape was like the best character out of the whole story. The dude died for nothing.

Oh god I'm such a big fat pussy. ='(

Heroes

-_- damn wei. I've been exploding my brains with Heroes since I've nothing to do at all during the holidays and bullshit, I hate this show.


So far for season 2 it was going pretty ok. Sure Peter was stupid as eff and Caitlin just disappeared into thin air never being mentioned again even though Peter said "CAITLIN WAS EVERYTHING TO ME!" Yeah right. You fail at being a boyfriend Peter. PHAIL.

Season 3 beginning was kinda mind blowing for me though. Like serious mind-*BOOM*!

1. First episode (I think it was first anyway) starts off with Sylar messing with Claire's brain and I was like... Wtf are you not eating it and just touching? STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR FOOD.
Even Claire asked and he was like "That's disgusting."

DISGUSTING?! I have lost all hope in you Sylar to be an awesome villain. You don't even support cannibalism. Shame on you.

2. AND OMG LOLZ EPISODE 4. SYLAR IN APRON. MARTHA SYLAR. xD


HAIL TO SYLAR THE CHEF!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *Rolls around laughing*
And he was cutting his son's waffle for him! That's like seeing The Joker asking you to eat your veggies! xD

Oh my god. So this is the reason I continue to watch Heroes. To see Sylar in an apron. LOLZ.

Cats are out to get us.

THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END.
PLEASE CLICK HERE IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE BURIED IN KITTY LITTER.

It contains useful information to know if your 'pet' is the next hitler.






I knew there was a specific reason why I never liked pussies. Both the animal and the human type. D<



...


...


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And after u killed ur cat, please proceed to see why it would be awesome to sex a unicorn: (click here please.)








...

...

Now where do I find a unicorn? O_o

CHARLIE! WHERE ARE YOU CHARLIE?! *swims into youtube channel*
(Get it? channel? water? swim? xD *cue awkward moment and no laughter* o_o Oh god that was lame.)





I want my glitter farting unicorn... =(

*random day inserted*

I shouldn't procrastinate blogging so much.
That's cause whenever something happens, I mean to type it down so in the future I look back and I won't go : "Damn my teen life was so goddamn boring".

Anyways, yesterday went gurney. Had transport issues (as usual), I can go but can't come back. It seems my family likes sending me off and not care about my existence in the house no more. The most will happen is they'll call and ask : "OI WHY AREN'T YOU BACK HOME EATING DINNER?! YOU GET UR ASS ON TO THE DINING TABLE. NOW."

Dinner is some sacred ritual to them and if I miss it, it seems that I will be in serious shit. -__-" But only for dinner. Dinner and dinner alone. It's like they do it for dinner's sake and not for my safety.

And so, finally found someone to take me home. Dad. But like he can only fetch me back at midnight cause he's got some work to do at Sungai Petani or something.

...
Midnight.
...

Okay! =D

Lolz. Was at Gurney til midnight before but it's dead boring then cause there's only the starbucks/coffee bean/winter warmers places that are open. And all you can do is chill and talk. Chill and talk.
Chill and talk.
Chill and talk for 2 hours. -__- Umm, I guess no cause conversation will either be dry or run out.


So reached Gurney, did usual shit like visit Secret Recipe, Sakae Sushi, followed others to their shoe obsession shops, catched a movie, walked around somemore, and then go hawker's place to eat.

Sakae sushi is evil. Service charge and tax cost abt 15 bucks. Yes, WTF. Okay, okay, I should've known earlier but usually I eat there with family and they pay the bill so I don't know anything about their 10% service charge.

Sigh. My money. =( I won't go there again except when someone else is getting the tab.
My skinny wallet can't take it anymore. I'm forcing it to puke out cash like it's some bulimic cow. Poor thing.

Watched Coming Soon which sucked. SUCKED. SUCKED. SUCKED. SO FRIGGIN SUCKED THAT I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

The whole thing was so cliche from 10 mins afterwards. All the scenes, even the music was predictable. You know that creepy violin music? They usually play it when someone is gonna open some unknown door/closet. And then after the person opens the door/closet, nothing happens.
They did that scene, TWICE!

Usually thai horrors are good but this one was a big fat fail. I'm totally disappointed at the makers of Shutter. Shutter was so good but this one was so boring I wanted to go to sleep. And to even avoid going to sleep, I actually went to the toilet.

Toilet was all dark and quiet but I wasn't scared a single bit. This is how much the movie sucked. -__- I could even stay there an extra 2 minutes to play with the touch sensor tissue dispenser. I think the tissue dispenser was far more entertaining than that dumbass movie.

The most annoying though was the screaming pussies in the cinema who were actually scared. Not their fault but their screams annoying leh. Can't help but not like their voice.


The rest of the day was pretty boring. Went to see some stores and stuff then had to go home. Needed to follow jooling home cause I had to hang out there until dad could fetch me but first had to go adelyn's house cause more convenient for jooling's mom. But traffic was so heavy and jooling was worried her mom would be pissed since adelyn's dad was stuck in traffic and would take some time to get home.

So we walked. From Gurney to opposite Island Plaza. Everything was fine really but kinda rushed and even though rushed took 20 minutes. On foot took abt 15 mins less than by car. And umm... My blur-ness could kill me one day.

Cause you know the road right in front of Island Plaza? A lot of cars, fast flow, and weird concrete divider in the middle. Me and jooling were sitting on the divider waiting for the traffic light to turn red so we could walk across. And I actually daydreamed while sitting there.
Jooling was scared (and I should've been too but it couldn't get across my thick skull to be scared) and like once the traffic light turned red, she quickly crossed the road. I was on the other hand, still thinking about what I should eat for dinner. I turned my head and was like WTF HOW DID SHE TELEPORT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROAD THAT FAST?! And then I realized I should quickly cross too. I simply crossed the road and kinda almost got ran over a van. I think I was drunk from the vodka I drank earlier that afternoon. -__-

The wishlist that will never be fulfilled...

This guy makes me so sad. T__T








Yea I know I'm not a kid anymore but...
OMG that domokun candy! D<
omg those candy choppers. T__T
And it doesnt help that I'm eating lousy arabian apricot candy. Eww it sucks.



And omg omg omg. Saw this on geekologie! CLOUD CHAIR!!!



This chair actually freaking FLOATS. LEVITATES. NOT-TOUCHING-GROUND.
No I'm not lying. It floats using... magnet concepts! =DD Opposite poles attract, same poles deflect..? I duno some sort like that it kinda rhymes with attract I just forgot the word.

The thing is... It's just an idea. It doesn't really exist. So no, I can't get it from Ikea. =(


(Edit: The candy sucked so bad I fed it to my plants. Worst candy ever.)

Where have all the f-ed up cartoons gone?!

Remember the cartoons from when you were little?

Felix the cat?

(God I loved this episode so much I actually remember most of it. I actually can remember the dude with the beard.)



Ren and Stimpy?




God I miss the era of cartoons that were on crack. Current cartoons all make sense. It's no fun anymore. =(

Oh and by the way I'm finding for an episode of Felix where I clearly remember that Felix had like an evil clone of him and his evil clone was inverted.

And there was this other insane cartoon that had a kangaroo(I think, or some other eff-ed up animal with ears) that had this round patch of black and when he stuck it somewhere, it would be a hole through that object. And like he traveled through it or something.

These cartoons have gotta be real. Either that or I was high on M&Ms and sugus when I was 5 until I hallucinated them.


This is real funny and pretty much true.

Karangan "Terbaik" UPSR 2007

I know it's in malay and some people just tulan to read cause we see it everyday at school in almost every subject but please read. It's hilarious. xD Been circulating around the internet for some time.


Karangan budak darjah 4

Pagi itu pagi minggu. Cuaca cukup sejuk sehingga mencapai takat suhu beku. Sebab itu saya tidak mandi pagi sebab air kolah jadi air batu dan air paip tidak mahu keluar sebab beku di dalam batang paip. Pagi itu saya bersarapan dengan keluarga di dalam unggun api kerana tidak tahan sejuk. Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya menemaninya ke pasar. Tetapi saya tidak mahu.

Selepas emak menikam perut saya berkali-kali dengan garfu barulah saya bersetuju untuk mengikutnya. Kami berjalan sejauh 120 kilometer kerana pasar itu letaknya 128 kilometer dari rumah. Lagi 8 kilometer nak sampai pasar saya ternampak sebuah lori kontena meluru dengan laju dari arah belakang.

Dia melanggar emak saya. Emak saya tercampak ke dalam gaung. Dia menjerit “Adoi!”. Lepas itu emak saya naik semula dan mengejar lori tersebut. Saya pun turut berlari di belakang emak saya kerana takut emak saya melanggar lori itu pula. Pemandu lori itu nampak kami mengejarnya. Dia pun memecut lebih laju iaitu sama dengan kelajuan cahaya. Kami pula terpaksa mengejar dengan lebih laju iaitu sama dengan dua kali ganda kelajuan cahaya. Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu. Lori itu terbabas dan melanggar pembahagi jalan lalu bertembung dengan sebuah feri. Feri itu terbelah dua.

Penumpang feri itu yang seramai 100 orang semuanya mati. Pemandu feri itu sangat marah. Dia pun bertukar menjadi Ultraman dan memfire pemandu lori. Pemandu lori menekan butang khas di dalam lori dia..lori itu bertukar menjadi robot Transformer. Mereka bergaduh di udara. Emak saya tidak puas hati. Dia pun terus menyewa sebuah helikopter di Genting
Highlands dan terus ke tempat kemalangan. Dia melanggar pemandu feri yang telah bertukar menjadi Ultraman itu.

Pemandu feri itu terkejut dan terus bertukar menjadi pemandu feri semula lalu terhempas ke jalanraya. Pemandu feri itu pecah. Pemandu lori sangat takut melihat kejadian itu. Dia meminta maaf dari emak saya. Dia menghulurkan tangan ingin bersalam. Tetapi emak saya masih marah. Dia menyendengkan helikopternya dan mengerat tangan pemandu lori itu dengan kipas helikopter. Pemandu lori itu menjerit “Adoi..!” dan jatuh ke bumi. Emak say menghantar helikopter itu ke Genting Highlands. Bila dia balik ke tempat kejadian, dia terus memukul pemandu lori itu dengan beg tangannya sambil memarahi pemandu lori itu di dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Pemandu lori itu tidak dapat menjawab sebab emak saya cakap orang putih. Lalu pemandu lori itu mati. Tidak lama kemudian kereta polis pun sampai. Dia membuat lapuran ke ibu pejabatnya tentang kemalangan ngeri itu. Semua anggota polis di pejabat polis itu terperanjat lalu mati. Orang ramai mengerumuni tempat kejadian kerana ingin mengetahui apa yang telah terjadi. Polis yang bertugas cuba menyuraikan orang ramai lalu dia menjerit menggunakan pembesar suara. Orang ramai terperanjat dan semuanya mati.

Selepas itu emak saya mengajak saya ke pasar untuk mengelak lebih ramai lagi yang akan mati. Di pasar, emak saya menceritakan kejadian itu kepada penjual daging. Penjual daging dan peniaga-peniaga berhampiran yang mendengar cerita itu semuanya terkejut dan mati. Saya dan emak saya terus berlari balik ke rumah. Kerana terlalu penat sebaik saja sampai di rumah kami pun mati. Itulah kemalangan yang paling ngeri yang pernah saya lihat sebelum saya mati.



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...
...
xD

I wish I wrote this when I was a kid. Or maybe I did already. O_o

The 'Emak saya dapat menerajang tayar depan lori itu.' and ultraman part really cracked me up. xD

kua here oo epic lulz

Omg lolz i got this from an email. It seems nowadays i get loads of lulz stuff.


GSCE 'O' Levels
Hokkien Exam Paper


Instructions:

1. Read the passage carefully

2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.

3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !



Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)


Question:
Singalella why become rich ?



Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.

She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.

Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.

Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.

If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.

Tak jit zho kah tau-hin.

CPF poon boh.

But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.

So he say, "oeh, long chong lai ah."

Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say, "Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard."

Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.

Tap pai how, buay zhiak, buay koon and buay pang-sai.

That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.

Her neighbour came over and ask, "Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?"

So Singaalella kong, "I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian."

She never expect but the neighbour say, "Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money."

So singalella brush teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.

She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.

At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.

Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing.

Just as Ah Ming told himself, "Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat", Singalella came in.

Ah Ming straight away lau nuar.

"Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai."

Ah Ming say to Singalella, "eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!"

Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.

But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.

He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.

So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.

So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.

Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.



Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....

A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.

Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.


A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.

zhia lat


E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.

leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean


F9. Don't understand rating.

kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?

lolz @ Gay Jay Chou

...so it seems some people are still damn bo liao.



But lol it's hilarious. So inspiration comes from boredom? O_o
Hmm... boggles the mind.
(by the way, if you're chinese-deficit, the video contains hamsap lyrics of Jay Chou's Qi Li Xiang. )





LOL CAO HAI. Thanks to Jay's 咬字, there's entertainment for us. And the 2nd vid is huo fuck yuan jia





I think this is the funniest one though. xD