I'm sorry.

Been some time since I had a heart-to-heart post. Recently all I've been doing is complaining about my problems and not analysing them. I miss the old times when my blog posts used to be choke full of emotions on problems which I faced. Whenever I used to have problems I would drown myself in half-assed writing on this place.

Writing on a blog is different from just writing out problems in a diary. Writing on a blog is like shouting out problems in public and hoping someone gives a damn about them whereas writing in a diary is just like crying to a mirror. Usual there's no reply to the problems but sometimes someone out there has time and gives sympathy.

So now it's time again to spill my disgusting, smelly guts to the world and hope someone will shout at me to pick them up.


Lately I've been a spoil brat. Wanting my cake and wolfing it down. I know it's due to sadness and frustration I feel in life though. I used to keep it to myself and let it simmer inside of me until it's all evaporated but now I like to release it out. Anger's very addictive and I'm scared I'll be addicted to it forever.

Okay the last paragraph is confusing but I'll try to explain somehow. Whenever I'm angry now I like to lash out my feelings to others, myself and things around me. I hurt people along the way but at the time I don't care. Regret starts seeping in though when I start to realize my faults. Sometimes we say things we don't mean.

I really try my best to be a nice person. I really do. But it's hard to balance being nice and being a pushover.
I don't want to be bullied.
But I want to be nice.

It's very conflicting and confusing I know and it's impossible to find a line to separate them both. I just hope what I do is right and what I've done wrong can be corrected.

To anyone reading this:
From the bottom of my heart, I sincerely apologize if I have insulted, offended, put you down or have hurt your feelings terribly before. If it's extreme hurt you've felt from me, I'm sorry, because no one deserve that kind of treatment no matter what they've done.  Some time in the heat of the moment we do or say things we don't mean. I can't change the past but I can hope for the future.



P/S: Just wanted to let some things out. It's been eating at my heart recently.